Wherevan have you been...

I have been off the radar for awhile...I have heard various stories people have had for me...She just went MIA. She must have left Santa Barbara. She never goes out anymore. What is she doing? Where is she? She probably is dating someone. She is probably...

OK, maybe I am giving myself a lot of credit and maybe not a person came up with a story - if it were me, I sure would come up with one, because it is fun.

Oh the stories we come up with. I love coming up with a good story in my head. I come up with them all the time. Sometimes, they are even "true" stories.

The story I am about to tell you is actually a true story and not embellished at all, mostly.
A year ago now, life was really weird.
A year ago now, I was a different person in a similar body.
A year ago now, I never could have ever imagined, I would be where I am now.
To a year ago now, thank you for supporting me.

Now, let's forget about that past and come to present day. Today, I am moving into a wonderful home. I am still working my day job, the one where I tell techies what to do, that I love and plan on getting paid a lot more (my boss doesn't know it yet, but has a sneaking suspicion).

I also have an LLC. Yup, I am an adult with an LLC. Who knew?! My LLC was even in the paper (yes, I paid for it and had to publish it, but still so cool)...

On top of being an LLC owner, I am also the proud owner of a company that I created and have just launched called Taste Santa Barbara Food Tours.

TasteSantaBarbaraFoodTours.com

Check out the website - TasteSantaBarbaraFoodTours.com, after you read this please or go now, but come back :)



With a lot of encouragement and a little (lot) of help from my friends and family, I am a proud owner of a walking food tour. Yup, it is true.

I realize at this moment, you are probably saying something "wow, that is awesome. What the heck is a walking food tour?!"

Let's think about this, though. A walking food tour - is a tour, kind of like a wine tour, but with more food - a little history, a little culture, a lot of fun and food (and wine) and moi.

Why did I do this? I did this because I love food and I love talking and I love Santa Barbara.
When the idea was first presented to me, I thought, cool idea, not for me and blew it off - that was over a year ago now. A whole lotta change and only a few months later, I started to realize how many people would come to me to talk food - what restaurant should I try? what should I eat? And all of a sudden, I thought - and I wouldn't do this? Why? Seems like a given.

I also started to become extremely aware of how much people got into eating out ruts, I was even guilty of it. Same places, same dishes, kinda boring. So, I thought, holy cow! I can help people explore new and old places and awesome food and give people some cool info about SB and and and and and and I may be taking over the world, seriously.

So folks, that is where I have been...creating a walking food tour.
We are all over the social media world - so don't forget to like us and share us - website, facebook, everything and anything - let's do this.

Facebook - TasteSantaBarbaraFoodTours on The Facebook!
Instagram - @TasteSantaBarbaraFoodTours
Twitter - https://twitter.com/TasteSBFT
Pinterest - http://www.pinterest.com/tastesbft/
Google+ - https://plus.google.com/u/1/115960797450264178041

I am even on tripadvisor and yelp. Can you say big pimpin?!
Tripadvisor - Taste Santa Barbara Food Tours on TRIPADVISOR
Yelp Me 

Oh and an top of all of this - if you are a restaurant or foodie place, I can help with you some ad space - I will be writing more on this later.
Also, start looking for my restaurant reviews - because that is happening!
Just call me Restaurant Chick SB.

Until later - Peace out and don't forget to be...happy!

Awkward Happens

Urban Dictionary Definition for Dating:

Of a couple, to be in the early stages of a relationship where they go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully fledged couple.

Urban Dictionary definition for a Fling is: 

Deliberately short term sexual relationship between two people. Longer than a one night stand, shorter than an affair...No deep personal involvement required, just the sex and a bit of attention.

With those two definitions being stated, what do you do when you run into someone you were not exactly dating, but more than a fling? Someone that you literally just stopped talking to or they just stopped talking to you for no real apparent reason or at least no reason you really know of? Of course, you can speculate, but speculating doesn't mean anything because you really don't know and kinda don't care. You don't know what they are thinking, they know not what you are thinking and it just ends. No explanation, no contact, nothing. Oh wait there was some contact and nothing returned. Baffles my communicative little mind.


I personally am not usually an awkward person, well, in my head I am a little awkward, but I am not usually one to put my head down and turn around when I see people, but every so often, awkward happens. I might be getting more awkward in my old age or less awkward and more aware of the awkward around.


Not too long ago, I was walking downtown with a guy I was seeing...well, we weren't downtown yet, but we were heading that way and I saw a guy driving, a guy I also kinda dated or maybe flinged it with. I really am still unclear on the definitions of all of these things and think that they are all open to interpretation.

I sometimes have no control over my actions or the words that come out of my mouth, so before I could even think about what I was doing, I stupidly stopped and stared at the car that was turning our way, I had my hands on my hips, left hip jutted out, hands on my hips, mouth open and a stare that anyone could feel. I looked a little like that -->
only my hands were on my hips instead of my head and I wasn't doing a sexy hula move.


Let's be honest, I am in it to amuse myself, so this generally what I do. When I am clearly amusing myself and want someone to look back, you stare, it's a stare you can feel or maybe some other thing that amuses me. I know you feel my stare, I have been working on this stare since I came out of my mom.

So, I am staring at a moving vehicle, staring at maybe the most oblivious man in the world. Current dude notices my funny behavior and asked what on earth I was doing and as I began to say something about what I was doing and who the guy was,  he said "is that another guy you dated? Because that's two we have run into now..." I quickly laugh and explained that this all depends on his definition of dating. Going on a few dates vs dating are radically different things, at least in my mind.

Dude in car, who I stopped and did the heavy stare at, I guess, I kinda dated, I mean we went out in public several times, so more than a few dates, less than dating, more than a fling? What do we call that a Ding? It doesn't really matter, but it was funny. This guy is so oblivious, this is the man who didn't notice I had a freaking rash the first time we met (see blog entry entitled Date Rash), so I giggled and really thought nothing of it. Now matter, current dude and I continued on our merry way.




A few days later dude and I are at the store with his kids, his kids who have balloons in their little paws and are loud. I walked up to dude, to ask a question and I who do I see walking in? Yes him. I think to myself, if that guy is going to Redbox, I am going to freak out, since he hadn't a clue what that was before he met me. We make quick eye contact and I awkwardly and quickly put my head down and turn and run down some aisle with one of the children. I hear other dude say something super loud and then I figure he did the same thing and had walked out, since he was near the door. And, I was WRONG.

Man, two kids and I are now making our way through the store. Ok, man and I are walking up an aisle, kids are running through the aisle with balloons and screaming, I can't make this stuff up (ok, I can, but I'm not). I am just walking along, minding my own business, trying ot give off the vibe that these maniacs are associated with me, but not my spawn and I am texting someone about how awkward that moment was and bam, I walk right into him again with a blonde girl. He sees me again and I quickly find a reason to run away and I literally ran, ok it was more of a fast walk.

I swear I was never like that before. I also don't usually just stop talking to people and then run into them twice in like a week. Can you say AWKWARD because I sure as shit can.

I am not sure what is going on here, but my name is literally on it,
 how could I resist?!

Fish Anyone?

Picture this:
It's opening night of Santa Barbara Film Festival 2014 at the Arlington theatre. Lights, red carpets, paparazzi, lines and I am so excited and I have no idea what I am walking into. I am doing my very best movie star impression: high, long ponytail, sexy black one piece jumpsuit, heels (wedges), big, beautiful earrings and I am rocking it.

Sophia and I saunter into the theatre fashionably late. No lines, no nothing and the best part, we totally have seats waiting for us, compliments of John.

The amazing Arlington theatre is more than packed, apparently there were celebrities attending the event, but I didn't notice. The energy of it all is just so invigorating, I am taking it all in, I hadn't been exposed to this side of Santa Barbara before.

As I am looking around, taking swigs of high end vodka from a water bottle, it dawns on me that everyone is packed into this theatre to watch the opening night movie...and I have no idea what movie we are walking in to, and how on earth are we suppose to sit still through people speaking, a movie to be watched and then go to an after party?


Right on cue, we are asked to quiet down and the speakers begin (I still don't know what movie we are going to watch). I quickly learn that we are about to encounter a documentary...about the ocean, mostly following the amazing woman Sylvia Earle, who we had the honor of seeing live, she was so cute up on the stage. I had never heard of her before and now that I know about her I am fascinated and want to be friends with her, I would suggest looking her up if you haven't heard of her. Oh and the movie is dedicated to a man who always wanted to make this film but is now dead. Is this foreshadowing of what's ahead? I think so.

The movie/documentary, let's call it movie-mentary for fun, begins and all of a sudden, I know it is not going to end well, heaviness is in the air.

The story continues and it becomes clear that there is no way Sylvia can be a person, she is beyond special and she is really a fish or a mermaid and I mean this in the nicest of ways.

Anyway, there is a part in the movie-mentary that stands out to me when Sylvia says she stopped eating fish. I think to myself, nothing is safe to eat anymore, what are we doing to this world?! We are killing too many fish, we are killing too many baby fish, blue fin tuna could easily become extinct. Sharks are being killed just for the fins. I really cannot understand why delicious jerky wouldn't be made out of the rest of their flesh, but whatever. And then I zone out and the movies is over.

The heaviness is still in the air and lights go on. I try to talk and I soon discover that my voice is completely gone. It is now like11 pm on Thursday eve, I have no voice, the movie was good and kinda sad and now time to party, who is up for a party?

Sophia and I contemplate going for sushi (yeah, I said that) and then going home, but instead we rally and head down to the party. It is cold, it is really cold for SB, it is like a freezing 37 degrees. I have blistered feet, I wore wedges so this wouldn't happen, but it did. We are VIP, but they won't let us in through the back. We finally find our entrance and walk in and much to our happy surprise there is much free food and drink.

As soon as I realize there is going to be food, I wonder if any of the restaurant both thingys will be serving fish. The first table, Arlington Tavern, is quite good and the people are so friendly, no fish being served there and I think, good job guys.

We leave the VIP tent and the next stand, we start to approach the stand and I think that I get a glimpse of fish...I think to myself, no way, they didn't?! We get closer and guess what, shrimp. I stop and undoubtedly have a puzzled look on my face and think, am I really seeing this. Then I ask Sophia, is that really shrimp? Are they really serving shrimp? I look and think to myself, are you fucking kidding me? So, maybe they didn't not see the movie, but did not they know the topic of the movie? Poor form guys, poor form.  

We move through the crowed, I am guiding us from food stand to food stand, most are food on the no fish front, we are in the clear. We approach the outdoor dance floor and the food stand is serving, freaking ahi tuna tartare. Ok, I am not the one boycotting fish, just yet, so I march right up and grab me a piece, just before I do that, I say aloud, is this for real? I mean, this is the best dish this particular restaurant has to offer, but did these people have no idea what the opening movie was about? And raw tuna out for hours?

No matter about the fish or the sad movie, we still ended up dancing the night away and I had blisters. If losing your voice, blisters and feeling retarded isn't t he sign of a good night, I don't know what is.

*Poor Baby Blue Fin Tuna, I kinda want you in my belly.

MMM Blue Fin Toro - yes please!

Babies Babies Everywhere

Have you ever noticed that there are times throughout the year where everyone is pregnant? I have definitely noticed this pattern and right now seems to be pregnancy season.

I keep forgetting I am at the baby making age...in fact when I hang out with any kids, people tend to think they are mine, so I just go with it...it is starting to get to that point where people are asking if I have kids and suggesting I do so...a guy the other day told me I should because I have good looking genes...I didn't know that that was a good enough reason to procreate....

I am so immature that when I see pregnant women, the first thing that goes through my head is "she had sex." and then I giggle.






I see so many of these breeders on a daily basis, I have actually started counting how many I see at any given place. I should start counting how many pregnant ladies I see in a day. The other day, I was at TJ's and the pregnant lady count was 5. 5. This might not sound like a lot, but I was there for like 15 minutes. The .5
is the woman I saw with a new born.


Some might think that my fascination with pregnant women, their bodies,
placentas, birthing and babies means that my biological clock is ticking, I can appreciate that, but not sure I completely agree with it, I don't really know what I think, I am still trying to wrap my head around how cuddling naked leads to babies.

Do not get me wrong, I love kids and am totally fascinated by the fact that sex can lead to babies, your boobs swell, your body swells, you hopefully shit it out of your vagina and then your boobs become utters and all of a sudden, you are hopefully responsible for this little life. This is all wild to me. Part of me wants to try it out, because I can. My hips don't lie, my body was clearly made for this.

I definitely get nervous when I hear women say that their children ruined their bodies. I have a hard enough time keeping my bod in check without sending a little body wrecking alien through it. Then I hear others say that theirs were not ruined at all and they just loved being pregnant. I don't know what to think or believe. I am going to go with the non ruining body part because it makes me feel better and that's just what it will be for me, if I procreate.

Let's take this a step further, I don't think I am ready, but is anyone really ready for any of it? If you wait for the right timing, then you will be waiting forever won't you?

I wasn't always like this. For years I thought I would get married and have babies and live the "american dream" and then I started to question that dream...is it even my dream? Whose dream is it? Can I edit that dream into the dream I want it to be? Why not? Oh my ex said I couldn't and look where it got him...actually, I'm not really clear on where it got him.


As I said before and as most of you know, I love me some kids and am fascinated with pregnancy and all that, but I also love to give kids back.

A wise woman once told me that if you have never felt the love you have for your kids, you will never know that feeling and if you don't know what you are missing, than you are ok or something smart like that. She has two kids and is my new favorite person. I am not saying I won't reproduce, the hippy in me is not opposed to the whole baby making, baby coming out, breast feeding thing and is kind of into.

Date Shopping

Online dating. It's weird. It's like online shopping for people. Except, when you shop online for "things," you can read the reviews, and generally have a better idea of what you are going to get. Also, if you don't like it, you can just return it. It tends to be a little more difficult to return people. Believe me, I've tried.

So, one day, I'm man shopping online and see a dude's profile that is kind of funny. His words were funny, anyway. His pictures sort of confused me. He looked so different in each one and he had long hair that I didn't love down, but thought was really cute up. He wore speedos and seemed to be proud of this? He also appeared to have a couple of spawn. With all of this being said, I thought, this dude doesn’t seem right for me at all. So, I did nothing and moved on to the next profile I could analyze why the person was all wrong.

Half the fun of online dating is being able to see who looks at you. It can also be somewhat insulting when someone looks at you, but doesn't write you.This is worse when you’ve written them and they don’t reply and you are totally way hotter than them but, I digress, whatever.

Back to speedoland. A few days later, I was looking through the people who had looked at me and I see his profile pop up again. Well, actually, I see the picture and know it looks familiar. Every time I see his photo, I forget it is him, so I click on his profile, and there he is again, proud speedo dad. That's that. Next!

We do this back and forth profile scrutinizing thing for awhile. He stalks me, I stalk him, he stalks me, I stalk him. Over and over this happens and every time I think, oh he's cute, then I look at his profile and think, oh it's that guy, who I additionally thought had dated one of my friends a few years back.



On October 14, he finally bit the bullet and sent me a message. I wrote back, he wrote back, and then I forgot to write him back, and so on. In the midst of this awkward back and forth, I decided to tell him that he had dated one of my friends and really tried my hardest to convince him that he had indeed dated her. For some reason, he would not admit to this. He gave me his number. I ignored it. I had no time for this, and besides, why was he lying about dating my friend? At that point, online dating was simply an experiment. It was a like a yo-yo diet, I put myself on, took myself off, back on, off, on...off....on.....off...on, sort of...

This stupid little pattern repeated itself for weeks, months, two months to be exact.

Finally, he writes and says something along the lines of:

“Listen, we keep looking at each other's profiles and I don't want to pressure you into anything, you seem cool, and I'd like to have dinner with someone cool sometimes when I don't have my kids with me.”

When I read that, I thought:

“DONE!” I sighed at the magical thought of someone not having expectations nor demanding my attention (“Pay attention to me, pay attention to me! Stop your life for me because you should want to and who cares if you are busy.”). In fact, it was quite the opposite. I could roll with this!

Something softened in me. I felt more relaxed. I even felt myself open up to the idea of meeting him in real life. With that, I responded: I will give you my number, but if you send me a picture of your fucking cock, it is over.

Moments later, I received a text saying something like "How can I resist?" and another saying, "I'm sorry, I had to."

I thought to myself: “What the fuck is he talking about?!?!” and respond, "what?"

 He replied with the following:

Yes, a picture of an actual cock. I literally laughed out loud. I wanted to meet this man...

We met in real life and to my dismay, he did not wear speedos on our first meeting. And, as it turns out, he had not dated my friend and I love the hair, especially up. Who knew?!

Costco Dates

Have you ever had a first day date at Costco? If you haven't, you should really consider it. You get shit done, you see how the person acts in a public setting and then if all goes well, you can eat hot dogs together and people watch. I know, it sounds a little strange, but it really is a logical place for a date.

And then he was handsome...

It is the weirdest thing to me how people's looks change based on so many things, like the length of time you know them and the shit that comes out of their mouths.


More often than not, I find myself thinking, just shut up, why can't you just sit there and look pretty and let us just breathe your handsomeness. It is so very rare that I look at a guy and think, oh please, yes, talk more, ohh pleasee keep talking.

MMM Food...

Of course, there are a few exceptions to this rule, I love tech talk, food talk and when someone is knowledgeable and passionate about a topic(s).

And I am like, wow, you are getting HOT...

Anyway, the darnedest thing happened the other day. I was talking to a friend of mine, a much younger guy, attractive in an awkward young way. Around me, he tends to be on the shy side and giggles and puts his head down a lot and avoids eye contact. So, we start talking about businesses and all of a sudden, right before my eyes, he morphs into this confident, clear and concise man, full of wonderful, helpful and tangible ideas. Ideas, that he himself used to create his business, his business that is doing quite well.

I did not see this shit coming, but I swear to god, my eyes started to glaze over, I may have panted a little and I became the giggly one...he got so stupid attractive right before my eyes, I was and still kind am in a slight state of shock. How does that shit even happen? It's wild and I kinda love it.