Babies Babies Everywhere

Have you ever noticed that there are times throughout the year where everyone is pregnant? I have definitely noticed this pattern and right now seems to be pregnancy season.

I keep forgetting I am at the baby making age...in fact when I hang out with any kids, people tend to think they are mine, so I just go with it...it is starting to get to that point where people are asking if I have kids and suggesting I do so...a guy the other day told me I should because I have good looking genes...I didn't know that that was a good enough reason to procreate....

I am so immature that when I see pregnant women, the first thing that goes through my head is "she had sex." and then I giggle.






I see so many of these breeders on a daily basis, I have actually started counting how many I see at any given place. I should start counting how many pregnant ladies I see in a day. The other day, I was at TJ's and the pregnant lady count was 5. 5. This might not sound like a lot, but I was there for like 15 minutes. The .5
is the woman I saw with a new born.


Some might think that my fascination with pregnant women, their bodies,
placentas, birthing and babies means that my biological clock is ticking, I can appreciate that, but not sure I completely agree with it, I don't really know what I think, I am still trying to wrap my head around how cuddling naked leads to babies.

Do not get me wrong, I love kids and am totally fascinated by the fact that sex can lead to babies, your boobs swell, your body swells, you hopefully shit it out of your vagina and then your boobs become utters and all of a sudden, you are hopefully responsible for this little life. This is all wild to me. Part of me wants to try it out, because I can. My hips don't lie, my body was clearly made for this.

I definitely get nervous when I hear women say that their children ruined their bodies. I have a hard enough time keeping my bod in check without sending a little body wrecking alien through it. Then I hear others say that theirs were not ruined at all and they just loved being pregnant. I don't know what to think or believe. I am going to go with the non ruining body part because it makes me feel better and that's just what it will be for me, if I procreate.

Let's take this a step further, I don't think I am ready, but is anyone really ready for any of it? If you wait for the right timing, then you will be waiting forever won't you?

I wasn't always like this. For years I thought I would get married and have babies and live the "american dream" and then I started to question that dream...is it even my dream? Whose dream is it? Can I edit that dream into the dream I want it to be? Why not? Oh my ex said I couldn't and look where it got him...actually, I'm not really clear on where it got him.


As I said before and as most of you know, I love me some kids and am fascinated with pregnancy and all that, but I also love to give kids back.

A wise woman once told me that if you have never felt the love you have for your kids, you will never know that feeling and if you don't know what you are missing, than you are ok or something smart like that. She has two kids and is my new favorite person. I am not saying I won't reproduce, the hippy in me is not opposed to the whole baby making, baby coming out, breast feeding thing and is kind of into.

Date Shopping

Online dating. It's weird. It's like online shopping for people. Except, when you shop online for "things," you can read the reviews, and generally have a better idea of what you are going to get. Also, if you don't like it, you can just return it. It tends to be a little more difficult to return people. Believe me, I've tried.

So, one day, I'm man shopping online and see a dude's profile that is kind of funny. His words were funny, anyway. His pictures sort of confused me. He looked so different in each one and he had long hair that I didn't love down, but thought was really cute up. He wore speedos and seemed to be proud of this? He also appeared to have a couple of spawn. With all of this being said, I thought, this dude doesn’t seem right for me at all. So, I did nothing and moved on to the next profile I could analyze why the person was all wrong.

Half the fun of online dating is being able to see who looks at you. It can also be somewhat insulting when someone looks at you, but doesn't write you.This is worse when you’ve written them and they don’t reply and you are totally way hotter than them but, I digress, whatever.

Back to speedoland. A few days later, I was looking through the people who had looked at me and I see his profile pop up again. Well, actually, I see the picture and know it looks familiar. Every time I see his photo, I forget it is him, so I click on his profile, and there he is again, proud speedo dad. That's that. Next!

We do this back and forth profile scrutinizing thing for awhile. He stalks me, I stalk him, he stalks me, I stalk him. Over and over this happens and every time I think, oh he's cute, then I look at his profile and think, oh it's that guy, who I additionally thought had dated one of my friends a few years back.



On October 14, he finally bit the bullet and sent me a message. I wrote back, he wrote back, and then I forgot to write him back, and so on. In the midst of this awkward back and forth, I decided to tell him that he had dated one of my friends and really tried my hardest to convince him that he had indeed dated her. For some reason, he would not admit to this. He gave me his number. I ignored it. I had no time for this, and besides, why was he lying about dating my friend? At that point, online dating was simply an experiment. It was a like a yo-yo diet, I put myself on, took myself off, back on, off, on...off....on.....off...on, sort of...

This stupid little pattern repeated itself for weeks, months, two months to be exact.

Finally, he writes and says something along the lines of:

“Listen, we keep looking at each other's profiles and I don't want to pressure you into anything, you seem cool, and I'd like to have dinner with someone cool sometimes when I don't have my kids with me.”

When I read that, I thought:

“DONE!” I sighed at the magical thought of someone not having expectations nor demanding my attention (“Pay attention to me, pay attention to me! Stop your life for me because you should want to and who cares if you are busy.”). In fact, it was quite the opposite. I could roll with this!

Something softened in me. I felt more relaxed. I even felt myself open up to the idea of meeting him in real life. With that, I responded: I will give you my number, but if you send me a picture of your fucking cock, it is over.

Moments later, I received a text saying something like "How can I resist?" and another saying, "I'm sorry, I had to."

I thought to myself: “What the fuck is he talking about?!?!” and respond, "what?"

 He replied with the following:

Yes, a picture of an actual cock. I literally laughed out loud. I wanted to meet this man...

We met in real life and to my dismay, he did not wear speedos on our first meeting. And, as it turns out, he had not dated my friend and I love the hair, especially up. Who knew?!

Costco Dates

Have you ever had a first day date at Costco? If you haven't, you should really consider it. You get shit done, you see how the person acts in a public setting and then if all goes well, you can eat hot dogs together and people watch. I know, it sounds a little strange, but it really is a logical place for a date.