Craigslist: Missed Connections

I'm slightly obsessed with Craiglist. Not bad obsessed, just mildly attracted to it. Ok, I admit it, I look at the site often. It provides me with hours of entertainment. You're probably thinking that is nuts, how can anyone sit on Craigslists for hours. Well, I am fairly certain you can, but I am only on it a few minutes at a time, in various sections. It's like a one stop shop for a plethora of things. You can look for jobs, animals, housing, dates and free shit on there and so much more.


I'm wild for Missed Connections. So amusing. I especially love the man to man ones, they are so dirty and usually have to do with sex in the bathroom gym or glory holes (I'm not even sure what that is. CORRECTION, my mom was nice enough to inform me about Glory Holes, please see * below for her comments on the Glory Holes). Reading those makes me so grateful to not have to go into a dude bathroom especially at the gym, some dirty shit goes on there and if I'm saying it's dirty, you know it is capital D-irty.
Way dirtier than than picture --->

I secretly or not so secretly always hope that someone will write one just for me. And has never done anything in their life like it before, but had to take a chance and leave it up to fate that we would connect.

The extended version of the romantic day dream I have goes like this:
Someone awesome, not creepy, sees me from a distance and can't get over to me for some reason and by the time he can, I have vanished. He can't stop thinking about me, so on the far off (or not so far off chance) writes me a Missed Connection, hoping I will see it. I, of course, do see it and I know exactly who it is and of course we connect. Then we will probably fall madly in love,  I will be asked to marry him (in some big elaborate and awesome gesture), get a big beautiful, sparkly diamond and we will probably have the best marriage ever and live happy every after, because we all know that happens.

On second thought, after reading the above, I've decided that maybe that isn't the most romantic thing ever. I mean if thedude doesn't know that I am the one right off the bat and doesn't have the balls to march right up to me right then and there, then maybe he is retarded and weird.

I know, I intimidate dudes with my good looks and boyish sense of humor. I mean come on, I'm like the full package and clearly men can sense that from a distance or maybe they are confused with how I act. Perhaps, I will start pulling guys hair to give them a sign that I am interested, you think that will do the trick without being too forward? haha.

I crack myself up.

Just for the record, I have gotten a missed connection once or twice and I didn't even write it myself, someone else did, not even lying.

*Compliments of my mom
"by the way.....a glory hole is where you stick your dick through a hole in the wall and get an anonymous blowjob.....usually available in a pawn shop.....especially in Vegas...Correction Porn shop, not Pawn, although you might be able to get them there too.

Relationship Marketing, Let's Talk About It

Relationship Marketing. Shared Marketing. Pyramid Schemes. Call it what you want. Let's talk about it. First and foremost, they aren't really pyramids anymore, pyramids would infer that there is an end, a bottom, with the way a lot of them are set-up now, there really is no bottom, at least not with Nerium International, it helps that it is like a billion dollar company that's barely 18 months old, only in the US right now, there is only room for potential, lots of potential!

I was always skeptical, never really wanted to get involved, although I won't lie, I always had that little dream in my head that if i did indeed get involved wiht one of these companies, make billions of dollars and the whole company would love me...it's like that same little day dream I have every time I enter a raffle or play slots (although, last time I played slots, I was given $20 and ended up with $40 something)...so clearly, the dream is attainable.

I know it all sounds kinda hokey and far fetched, but I will tell you what, with a little perseverance and a lot of happiness, anything is possible. Who doesn't want to help people feel better about themselves, make money and be happy? That's pretty much all I want and to save the blonde dogs of the world and paint and be able to put my unborn kids through school and take care of my family and and and...the list of things I am doing goes on and on and NeriumInternational is helping make that possible.

The beauty of it all is that you decide how much time you put into this business. Whether you are in the business or just using the product, it's easy to get the product for free. It's easy to tell people about it. It's easy to listen to phone calls. It's easy to wash your face at night and put some cream on. It's easy to make a lot of money. There is nothing painful about it. And you get walked through it.

So, whether you want to make some $ or look better or both. Let me know, let's discuss and I'll help change your life forever. www.schoolnik.nerium.com

Oh 2013 - It's Such A Pleasure To Finally Meet You

Dear 2013,

I want to take a minute to welcome you,  it's so good to finally meet you. I am so thrilled that you have finally made it here. I am glad you aren't a stupid year, that has a day, rather one second, rather one second, twice really, that has all of the same numbers like 12.12.12 and 12 seconds - only happens once they say, well actually twice right? - and tell me, you sayers - what happens at that exact second? Anything? Because I will tell you what at 12.12.12 with 12 seconds, I felt nothing, both times, I was extrememly let down. I was all geared up for something huge to happen and what do you know, I blinked and the second was over - that was it, nothing happened. WTF?! Way to let me (us?) down 12.12.12 and 12 seconds, pfff, what a crock. How could you do that to us? I mean really?!***

You know 2013, you are on quite the pedestal - like every new year, everyone says that things are going to be better and you hold the promise of big change and each new year, especially the beginning of the year is made out to be a really big deal. Do you think you can live up to all the hype for you 2013???

Personally, I am very pleased that you are here, I've been looking forward to you for years and years and preparing for you since like Septemeber 2012 - I figured I'd get a jump start on an awesome year.

I am very pleased that you are here and we've finally had the honor to meet. I've known deep in my gut of guts that you were going to be an awesome year, not to put you down, but I think every year proceeding you is going to be awesome, mostly because you are setting the stage for the awesomeness. Yes, 2013, you are wonderful and I am pleased to have the honor of being alive when you are upon us.

As for the bitches who give up on you and can't wait for the next year to come, don't take it personally, it's human nature. I think people tend to dream big, but don't take the "scary" or "uncomfortable" steps required to change to move past what you think you are capable of and move into the awesomeness (for lack of a better word) of what you know, deep down inside of you that you can achieve and are really capable of.

I hope that everyone can realize how amazing 2013 is and take the bull by the horns and step up to be all that you know and desire to be, because you can, nothing, except maybe you and that stupid little evil voice(s) in your head are stopping you. I am here to tell you, you can do it. You are probably asking, who are you exactly? I'll tell ya, I'm just a girl - a happy girl, reassuring you that you really can do it - take it or leave it, but I hope you at least step away with something, maybe a smile or a giggle or something more? Anything is possible, don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

***I'll be honest about 12.12.12 and 12 seconds - I actually thought that was pretty cool, but it sounded better to vent about nothing happened because nothing really did happen. Regardless, of my experience, I got a kick out of all the numbers matching, but I like silly things like that, I also love sparkles - bet y'all didn't know either little fact about me?! Haha. Gotta keep ya on your toes!

****My obligatory NeriumAd plug - If I didn;t include this, I would really be doing a diservice :)
You serious about changing your life? Here is your opportunity to change your skin (all of it) and change your life (physically and financially - how does it get any better than that?!) - contact me for more info about the product and/or the business and on how we can change lives together:
evan.schoolnik@gmail.com
Nerium Nerium Nerium - $$$ - Awesome Skin