The Things that Happen in Planned Parenthood's Waiting Room

This may sound strange, but I have spent my fair share of time in the waiting room of Planned Parenthood. Yes, in fact, if you have ever been to PP, you find that even if you make an appointment, it doesn't seem to matter, they are always at least 30 min late, always. So, no matter what, anyone spends a good amount of time in the waiting room.

Sometimes it is really frustrating, other times it is amusing and I almost appreciate the time and can observe the mild to not so mild awkwardness. The men, the women, the kids (who look like little men and women and you know should not be having sex). Those little people make me giggle, little hoochie mamas dragging their thug boyfriends in.

Every single time I am in that waiting room, I look around and wonder, what are you here for? What about you? And you? And the dudes, why are you here? Dude's at PP? Are they getting snipped? Tested or with their ladies?  Why are you here?! So far, I have always resisted from asking. I swear, cross my heart.

I got hit on once by a guy who was in the waiting room, it was so weird. Stay tuned for that later. I've never dragged a dude into PP with me, I think I tried once to bring a boyfriend (just to see if he would come), but he didn't get the hint and honestly, he probably would not have been as amused with the strange happenings in the waiting room anyway, better I just went alone so I could observe properly.

So, as I was saying, I went to PP the other day, as I was heading out the door of the house, I exclaimed, to no one in particular that I'm always interested as to why guys are in the waiting room. What is the purpose of their visit? Then I left.

I get to PP, and realize I am 15 minutes early, which means maybe they will only be running 45 minutes late. I'm sitting there and there aren't that many people in there. Mostly women and then a man walks in, not just any man, but a man that I know. A tow truck driver, who I keep running into him for various reasons. I won't go into detail, but it's weird and I definitely do not want to think of him with a wiener at all. Really town, are you that small?! Apparently.

But really, every time I set foot in PP, I look around the room, imagining half the people naked (Let's be honest, that's not really reserved just for my time at PP). I look at girls and sometimes think: You have a vagina? Really. You sir, have a penis, that's so weird. I kinda wonder what that looks like, but I don't really wanna know, but I do. No, I don't. Stop brain, stop.

Always, when I look around the waiting room, I wonder...

And...

So, I am sitting in the waiting room, minding my own business, sort of and I hear from the other side of the door (that is buzzing) "Is this the door I am suppose to go into. Hey, Hey, is this it?!"

Then the door clicks open and a small woman walks into the waiting room with the rest of us, I guess she finally figured out the door situation. Let me point out, what might not be obvious to you...you really don't have a lot of doors to choose from, the door you enter from is literally right in front of you and has a fucking buzz sound when they are letting you in, so unless you are deaf, you are a fucking idiot for not realizing the door is right fucking there.

Anyway, she comes inside (that's what he said) and sits down next to the tow truck driver.

At the exact same time, the news is on the TV, which is right above my head. So, I am eye fucking this chick, while trying to avoid eye contact with tow truck driver,  all I hear from the TV is something about a strain of weed being grown and sold in Colorado named after one of their football players and then I lose it and can't stop giggling.

In the midst of my giggle fit,  I hear..."hey, hey, I like your shirt. HHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYY. heeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy."

I look up and the loud woman is shouting at some girl across the room. A girl who clearly has head phones on...The lady doesn't care, she just keeps on hey-ing. Finally, head phone chick realizes she is being spoken to and takes the ear phones off.
Loud mouth repeats, "I love your shirt, where did you get that?"
Girl says, "Thanks. I used to work at a thrift shop in San Louis and got it there."
Loud Mouth "It's dope, did you get in LA?"
Girl "Um, no, I got it in San Louis"
Loud Mouth "Were there a lot of them? I bet it's like one of a kind huh?"
Girl "I don't know, it was years ago, but I think they are pretty common shirts."
Loud Mouth "Oh, in LA?"
Girl "Um, no."
Loud Mouth "Well, I like your shirt."
Girl "Thanks."

Then loud mouth's phone rings extremely loud and what do you know she answers it ON SPEAKER. I shit you not, this really happened. On the other end of the speaker phone is a guy's voice. He actually sounds "normal" but whatever, and he asks the chick what she is up to.
She explains that she is at planned parenthood, to which he says "ahhh, taking care of business"
She says "yup, yup, hey come over here, I have some smokes"
He says "ok, where is it again?"
I think it's off Garden, then she asks to the entire waiting room, we are off garden right?!
Yup.

Everyone is looking around, thinking what the fuck?!

Then she says, "the doors locked, so call me when you are outside. Seriously, call me and I will come out. Laters. "

What the fuck is going on here?!

And just like that, I was called in and all I could think was, just another afternoon in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood.

And did you know AIDS/HIV tests only take 10 minutes now? You don't have to wait. Amazing. And, I am clean.